I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

I wish I was one of those teenagers who sits on a dodgy beat up couch, sipping red wine, wearing ripped stockings, smudge make-up and have messy hair. You know, the cool kids that stares at all the norms. The ones with all the interesting friends . The thing is, I dont like sitting on a dodgy beat up couch, I dont like red wine, I hate wearing stockings, my make-up doesnt smudge, and no matter what my hair will always stay neat, the only time it's messy is when I spray hair spray, go out, sleep and wake up in the morning...and that's not even good messy...it's ugly messy..and I love all my current friends.

Everywhere I turn, I see people around my age moving away into the big city, starting their new life. It's not fun when you can't move with them. I want to know what they're doing with their life and what they do to get by. I'm always curious. Everytime when I look out from the bus I see all these older people, I imagined what they would of looked like when they were younger and what kind of kid they were, either one of those wierd kids at school, the smart one, the all rounder, the quiet one, or the sporty one. I know what I'm doing with my life, I have plans and goals, the only thing Im fearful of is that I wont be able to compete with others, because there are so many talented people in that city. The good thing about it, is that they are more sincere and less condescending.

I'm sorry I havent been drawing, it has been almost a year since I've lost my muse and my inspirations. Everything is that same to me. I am nothing with out the two of them. It's a psychological problem I guess. I really do wish I was able to draw something decent. I'm finding it very difficult and it saddens me. I've had helped from my friend and it was a good start until it went away. When I find a muse/inspiration it lasts for years. This is the first time that this has ever happened to me. In the real world, you would called this an 'artist block'.

I really miss going out in Melbourne, I wish Third Class didnt close down...the only place I can think is the Pony bar. I miss the boutiques on Brunswick Streeet, the $2.50 slice of NY pizza..Degraves Ally, watching Norma and my sister dropped plastic bags filled with water off our window, making breakfast while the fire alarm went off, watching them yelled obscenities and knocking on all the doors outside our room when they were taking out the trash. I'm surprise we werent kicked out, God blessed our hotel room.