Blue Valentine.

Today Chad and I went to watch Contraband, and beside from the fact that there was a lonely old man starring at me when I walked into the cinema, who'd moved his seat closer to mine once the lights were off and starred at me in the dark most of the time during the movie, the movie itself wasn't too bad. Though we both decided it was a b-class action movie.

(Images, personal)

Sweater: Stylenanda
Skirt: Tokito

Recently a Japanese variety store opened up, and they had a special on which every thing in the store were $2.80. I purchased hand weights, Japanese lunch box for uni, oil blotting paper, a cat eating a carrot (?) shower sponge and a face scrub..all for $22. So happy. 

Roger Rabbit.

Summer holiday is almost over...only a couple weeks left. I need to make the most of it. I also need to start organising my text books for uni, clean my desk and get a new ID card. I'm some what apprehensive, even though it's my last semester. I will not slack off!..and I need to stop reminding myself that in some weeks I have class on a Saturday..

Anyways this little jewel arrived a week ago.

(Images, Personal)

French Connection Hand Harness mixed with some vintage rings.

I miss drawing. I forget it about it sometimes.

My appetite aint got no heart.

Apparently it's going to rain through out this week. I have the biggest temptation to purchase a sweater, even though it's summer. But I really need to save.

The other day my folks offered me a plane ticket to go any where I want (within their budget) for my 21st birthday/ graduation present. All I have to do is pay for the accommodation and other expenses. I'm thinking of going to places like Korea, Japan, China or maybe Singapore. I'm not even sure if I will take their offer, but it's really tempting.

We are all floating.

Happy Valentine's Day for yesterday.
I spent my Valentine with Chad. We stayed at Conrad Jupiter, enjoying the casino's Gold Suite, relaxing at the spa and pools, eating complimentary cookies and chocolates, eating dinner at Glass (Marina Mirage), drove to The Spit and then we headed back to our hotel. Lovely night.

(Images, personal)

Vanilla 2.

Apologies for double blog post tonight. I wanted to show you a drawing I did tonight. I have an idea of where I am going with this idea. Will keep you update, also updating my Flickr.

(Image, personal)

This has been a horrendous week. I am in-capable of achieving the ultimate happiness. I am sick of this environment. My heart keeps getting stab. I don't know where to look or which human to talk too. There is no option for me. I hardly ever ask for anything in this life and when I do, the act of doing poison my spine. I will never repeat my actions. My anger has got the best of me. I can not control her, she is the girl I've been hiding as a child. The girl where I've put all my hurtful emotions into, and now she is wanting out. My soul is weak and my mind is scattered into tiny stars. It wants to run away with Feather, but in reality it's only the beginning of the tortured. We are the lost ghost children, forever and always trying to find our true happiness in the state of the ultimate freedom.

This has been the longest forty-eight hour of my life. My chest is tight and my eyes a swollen, and I am lost in my own sanity. I think I am happy this way. No one will ever bring me harm. I am safe.

Nobody should ever be used to another human being yelling at them. Nobody. Yelling is a form of abuse, it fucks with your self-esteem and your soul. It forms a parasite in your mind and your body is the host. You will never grow up to be an average. You are eaten away by fear and anger. You are small and you are nothing. And no matter how much I believe it would all fade away, it always find away back to my frail fucked up mind.

(Images, weheartit)

Treat me like your mother.

It has been a long night. I am currently listening to The Dead Weather. Speaking of the weather, it is humid and wet. Bacteria's breeding ground at my front door step. This week I will be ordering a speedlite (flash) for my dslr, I'm just waiting for my Paypal money to go through. Yay.

Recently I did an interview for a marketing job, it's a long process which involves a phone interview, filling out applications and a face-to-face interview. Some of the clients I will hopefully be handling are Commonwealth Bank and Apple. I know if I wasn't going to university I wouldn't had a chance at this opportunity. I'm starting to see the up-side of university. I do not want a 9-5 retail job. I am inspired to be a career women.

I can not believe how close I am to moving to Melbourne. There are people who complains about where they live. Why not do something about it?

(Images, weheartit)

At the end of this year I will hopefully be leaving for Thailand for two weeks to visit my grandfather. I need to avoid spending at all cost. I need to start budgeting once again.

Also, I've been getting back into drawing. I'm really happy about it. Tomorrow I am going to Boarders to look for inspirations.

This world has no shame.

I wish I had the ability to saw my head open and diagnose what emotion and physical pain I am feeling. It is as if there is another living being in there. She has no name. She is we. We are forever bind. She controls my thoughts, my dreams and my nightmares. I can't explain what I see. All I want to do is sleep and forget about what is happening all around me. I can feel it. There is something there. My mind is poison, but I will never cut my ear off. I can feel it worsen. I bang my head hoping it would one day go away, but it doesn't. I think it needs to go away for a while. My mind needs to be in solitude. I can't have anything affecting it.

(Images courtesy of weheartit)

There is nothing you can say that I can't be done.

There are some people in this life who will choose a career choice, whether it is university, college or full-time work, it doesn't make them any more or less intelligent than you. You're not that high in this world sweetheart.


The other day I met up with some of my old friends from Trinity. Starbucks coffee and good atmosphere. We talked about others and ourselves and what we've done with our lives. One of my good friend is a medical student and next year he will soon travel to a third world country (can not remember which one) and will be working at the hospital there for a month. I'm so excited for him. My other friend who I've known for over ten years is doing well, it's nice to know she's still that sweet girl I met in primary school. I love having friends like these. Obviously each of us have lost contact with a couple of friends etc. It happens to everyone, especially after high school. I'm so thankful for the friends that I have at the moment.


Here are some photos from Christmas Eve. I'm in love with my harness, can't wait to wear it out!

(Image source, my own)

For New Years Eve I will be going out in Brisbane for the first time! So excited.  My friend Kyle's birthday is coming up soon, I can not wait. He's truly an amazing character.

I keep thinking about the past. I know it's not healthy, I just can't help it. I wish I didn't get hurt so much back then. I felt like everything that had happened was slowy draining my soul. I would wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares. Crying at three in the morning. I didn't want to get out of bed. I felt like dirt, I was constantly hurting and I felt restless for so long. I kept wishing things would get better and everything bad would eventually end. It didn't for a very long time.

Now everything is improving. Everything is different, and I'm still trying to figure out why I keep thinking about the past. Maybe because it had scarred my body and soul. I think it already has. Maybe because I'm not ready to forgive and forget yet. I don't think I am. I don't know when I'll be able to. All I know is the first step I'm taking is to stop thinking about the bad events in the past. I am stronger than that. I'm still standing even after all those hurt.

You can drink what you like.

Yesterday Canellis and I went to Robina...Christmas shopping and movie times. We watched 'Megamind' which I believed was pretty damned good. It was such a good children's movie, I love the message behind it.

Going back to Christmas shopping, I purchased Canellis Wayne Cooper and Dr Denim. hahaha I swear his closet upgraded to designers and labels ever since he'd met me. Reading this may sound like I dress him, but I honestly don't, I never have and I never will. All I do is give him advice and help him find nice things..and some how we match. Good times.

This morning I went to the Post Office to return what I thought was my New Years Eve dress. It honestly was a beautiful dress, but in no way it flattered any parts of my body. 

Last night my sister asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I still have no idea. I'm one of those person who desire something and actually go and get it, without waiting for anyone. I like that quality. And if I want a baby, then bitch you will give me a baby..kidding hahaha. but yeah you know what I mean.

(Image source, weheartit)

We fight. We sleep. We die.

Do you ever wish you had the power to go back to the past and change something? Do something different? Stop things from happening? I think about it sometimes. Mostly at night. It makes me sad. My mind is always curious.


I'm going to be blunt and tell you how much I hate people. I hate girls and I hate guys. I hate old and I hate young. I have never loathe so much. If I had a chance to go live some where far a way for a period of time I would. Relax and leave everything behind. I need a break from every living creatures. I loathe everything that fucking talks.

Life is different after high school, you have plans and set goals, and sometimes they don't work out the way you want it to. There is no point dwelling in it, sure you can think about it from time to time. I don't own your mind so I can't tell you what to do with it. I guess the only thing you can do, or I can do is to live in the present and think of the future. Think about what I can do differently. Think about my new plans and goals. I need sleep.

(Image source, weheart)

Sleep is forever.

I can feel the sanity of the my mind deteriorating and no one really knows why.

Tomorrow I have to leave the house at 6:30 am to drop my sister off at the airport because she is leaving to Japan for a week.
Today brunch with my cousins, her boyfriend and my sister at Conrad Jupiters.
Yesterday I went to the Sass and Bide Warehouse Sale my cousin was working at and she'd gave me extra discounts. I purchased a 'Believer Lace' skirt and a charcoal colour dress, I am officially obsessed with the skirt.

Mum purchased some MOR products the other day for Canellis's mother and her mother for Christmas presents. I can't believe Christmas is so close.

Still waiting for my NYE dress and harness to arrive. Damn it. One is coming from England and one is coming from NYC.

(Images, my own)

Sing. Sin. sin.

Who are we to judge others while our lives are falling a part? Don't pretend like you have no idea what I am talking about.

I am the biggest loser..
The other day my sister and I went for our interview for a job at the Big Day Out, it was pretty sweet. I'm not one hundred percent sure where about I am working, but I will post it as soon as I find out. I'm so excited.

Today my mascaras came in the mail, I'm still waiting for my dress to arrive. So excited.

Yesterday Canellis and I headed to Burleigh Heads to celebrate our fifteen months. Fish and chips, and thick shakes along the windy beach.

After Burleigh, we went back to his place and my sister made us margaritas and we watched 'The Loved Ones'.

I need to finish making my uni time table by next week. Damn it.

-Sorry about some of the photo quality.

(Images, my own)

Valium, my only friend.

We all have hope, we just have to find it within ourselves first.

I feel like I'm losing contacts with a majority of my friends. Maybe because I miss them too much and I have no idea when they are free, or what they are up to these days. People..invite me places haha I want to wear my new shoes out!

During the second semester of this year, I;ve learned how to improve the look of my resume and how to write a professional one, in comparison to an average one. Ever since I have fixed my resume I've been getting heaps of interviews..I really need to work on my interview techniques though. I don't want a job in retail anymore, I want an office job. I've recently found out with my internship next year, I can either do a one year PR internship, or a half year PR and the other half Marketing, which I think is pretty good. The marketing internship looks complex (the application process), I'm going to try really hard to get into that one.

These flowers I took are those given to me over the past year by Canellis. I press them, dry them. I want to keep them forever because I adore their beauty, their colours, and their skin. They are good for memories. My own personal memories. I have more but they are in my Kurt Cobain's Journal.

My aunt left for Thailand yesterday, soon it would be my cousins, uncle and his wife. I will be looking after three dogs, and a kitten. My summer life. On a good note, Canellis's parents are giving us VIP pass to Movie World, Sea World and Wet 'n' Wild, which is valid till June of next year. Wet 'n' Wild...I will live in you.

Last night I went over to Canellis's house, and we drove to Broadbeach for Starbucks and Indian food. It was the best.

(Images, my own)